Blurred Lines Read online

  It bothered me that he’d killed so many people along the way, but clearly not as much as it should have. I wasn’t a violent person. Not by any stretch of the imagination. And I didn’t condone violence in any shape or form. But I was in love. And love made you blind. It made you deaf and dumb too. It made you make excuses where none should be.

  “Christ, you looked so beaten down Lori. It keeps playing like a loop in my head, your face, how it looked when I got to you.” His eyes were shiny and heavy with unshed tears. He looked so in pain. It hurt so much to see him suffering.

  “I didn’t tell them a thing,” I said. As if my bravery would strengthen him. Alleviate his suffering.

  “What?”

  “About you. They tried to get it out of me. But I didn’t say a word.”

  “Jesus, Lori.” He stood up and came towards me, looking like he wanted to hold me but unsure if I’d let him. I let him.

  He held me so tight. A sob letting loose from his throat. He was crushing me and pain was shooting up and down my body, but I took it with a wince. He needed this. I needed this.

  “There’s no space in my heart, in any part of me, to love you more. You’re everywhere in me, all at once.” He looked at me, a lone tear escaping his eye. “I just… I can’t believe you protected me. Especially after they did all this to you.” He waved his hand at my bruised body covered in a small nighty.

  “I never expected it from you Lori. I’m not saying that you’re not strong, because you’re the strongest person I know. I just, I would have forgiven you had you told them everything. It’s self preservation, but you clearly don’t have any.”

  He looked amazed. I pushed him away from my body.

  “With you Davide, I don’t have enough. But it’s about time I started building it up. Building myself up. I haven’t even had many boyfriends. Little experience with dating because I was always so busy at school. And after my no good abusive dad left, all I had was female support. So I’m not much trusting either. Freud would have a field day with me. “

  I looked at him, so close to me. Eyes a slight shade of green and so tired. As if he hadn’t slept much.

  “I chose to finally do something new with you. The one week in Barcelona, that was me doing something I never do. Me coming to find you, again, something I would never do. I told myself to for once, jump in eyes closed. Not knowing if there were any safety nets, not expecting you to catch me, but hoping you would anyway.”

  “I failed you. I should have come looking for you, both times. But I was a coward, blinded by hatred and fortified by it. I didn’t think I had space for any other emotion. But I’m here now. I’m not going anywhere Lori.”

  He said that with such conviction I believed him.

  CHAPTER FOURTY – TWO

  “Tell me about Hector.”

  My sudden change of direction looked like it had given him whiplash. I almost laughed at his expression. He thought I’d just jump again without knowing the full story? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

  “I was so angry, no, anger wasn’t what I felt. I was downright homicidal at what he’d done to you. Add to that what he’d done to Isabelle and the thought that he’d had the only father I’d ever known killed…” he took a deep breath and I could see him shaking. We’d hardly mentioned Raffaele.

  “I tracked him down with a lot of help from Raffaele’s men and a mole in Nico’s people. He was trying to escape and I…” he looked at me straight in the eye. “I killed him. I wanted to strangle him to death. I wanted to kill him slowly as I reminded him of every way he’d made the people I love suffer. But we had limited time so he got an easy way out.”

  Davide had no remorse in his eyes. And I knew that he was looking at me so I could see it. He was making no apologies for killing Hector and I didn’t want him to make any. Certainly not to lie to me.

  “That’s the only regret I have Lori, that I didn’t prolong that motherfucker’s misery.”

  “And Raffaele?”

  He stood up then and started pacing around my small room.

  “I haven’t even allowed myself to think about Raffaele. I’ve been too preoccupied with your health. I needed you to wake up so we could leave and it was worrying me to death. But Raffaele…” he paused and turned to look at me. He looked so unlike the Davide I’d met. The Davide I’d fallen in love with. He looked broken. So much like a little lost boy.

  “The cops came to get him in connection with what went down in Hoyt. From what I’ve been told, a car swerved right in front of a police car hitting another oncoming car. The police car couldn’t stop fast enough and ended up driving straight into the wreckage. All three exploded on impact.”

  “And what did Hector have to do with that?”

  “He said he had nothing to do with it. He’d planted a fake witness, which is why Raffaele was being brought in. According to Hector, Raffaele would never have made it out. He says the entire car crash was not his plan, just ‘the universe getting rid of scum.’ His words.”

  “And you believe him?”

  “I don’t know what to believe. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Raffaele is gone and I killed Hector. The truth is now buried with the dead. What pisses me off the most is that I never even got to say goodbye to Raffaele. Not many people know of my existence, which is good as far as the cops are concerned, but that means no one called me to view the remains.”

  I looked at his distraught face. He was in such despair I wondered if anyone had ever truly taken care of him. He’d shouldered such burden, being groomed to take over after Raffaele. Then he’d shouldered his vengeance. I walked towards him then and put my arms around him. His breath hitched again and he leaned into me. Holding me too tightly, a fine tremor going through his body.

  He’d been brought up on a different school of thought. Fight, kill, revenge… did he know anything else? Could he learn anything else? He was sure he wanted me. But could I fix him? Did I want that burden? Wasn’t it said that we were creatures of habit? And if so, wouldn’t he revert back to his old ones?

  I pulled him backwards towards the bed. We both climbed on and he laid his face on my chest. Shoulders still shaking. I put my fingers in his hair and just held him. My chest was wet with his tears, my heart breaking for him. I wanted to be the one to put him back together. Not because I was egotistical or had a God complex, but because he needed me. Maybe even more than I needed him.

  He pulled himself together with some effort and wiped his eyes. “He was a good father to me. Raffaele. I don’t want you to think he ruined my life. Because he saved it.”

  It was as if he’d read my mind.

  “I would have been nothing in Naples. I would have probably followed the same path I did. Joined the Camorra there. But what Raffaele gave me was a home. Love. He wasn’t the easiest and he didn’t always show it in the best way but I knew how much he loved me. And that was enough for me. I would have done anything for him.”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you?” he pulled back and looked at me. Searching for something.

  “I understand the love you felt for him. I’m not saying it’s the same thing but I always knew that if my father would have come back, I would have forgiven him. Even after what he did to my mother, I stupidly wanted him back. As children we love unconditionally. It’s what we know.”

  “You can’t equate your deadbeat father with what Raffaele gave me!” he snapped.

  “I just told you I’m not. Look, Davide, we have bigger problems than this so can we not fight about it?”

  He sighed then nodded and placed his face back on my chest. “I’m sorry. I just miss him.”

  “I understand.”

  “Thanks for this Lori. This is the first time I’ve allowed myself to think about him. You know, I actually wanted to play soccer when I was younger. I’d always dreamed of joining the professional team, FC Napoli. But Raffaele insisted that I only play contact sports, rugby, American football…” I could f
eel him smile. This was a fond memory for him.

  “I’m glad you have good memories of him.”

  “That’s all I have. He saved me Lori.”

  I wouldn’t understand how placing a young child in a gang was ‘saving’ him but I decided to keep my mouth shut on the matter.

  “And the Camorra? You said somebody else would lead it?

  “Yes, Vinny. He’s the right man for the job. He’s always been by Raffaele’s side so it’s better he takes over.”

  “Which means you’re out?”

  “Yes.”

  “Really out?”

  “Look at me,” he asked pulling away. “I’m really out. It’s just you and me now.”

  “But from what you’ve told me there should be a lot of angry people now. Nico’s men, Hector’s men…”

  “That’s not my problem anymore. I want to leave this country and go as far away as possible. Start my life with you.”

  I hesitated.

  “The life I led was the only thing I knew Lori. But that doesn’t mean I can’t learn a new one. Start one with me. Please.”

  I thought about it. I loved him so much and I realized that I’d forgiven him. For everything. I couldn’t fault him for killing Hector or anything else he’d done before I met him. I wished he’d told me the truth when we’d met but what was he meant to say.

  I wondered what I would have done had I known all the details beforehand. Would I have stayed away? The rational side of me screamed an emphatic hell yes! But that side had recently been overtaken by the side that loved this man. I decided right then not to waste my life on shoulda woulda couldas.

  “Can I still practice law wherever we go?”

  He sat up immediately. “Is that a yes?”

  “It’s a maybe. Calm down.”

  He smiled. “A ‘maybe’ I can work with.”

  “I probably can’t practice law just anywhere but I have a JD. I’m sure I can find something.”

  “Plus, I have a lot of money from Raffaele’s estate.”

  I frowned. “First of all I’m not going to sit at home and be taken care of. Secondly, can’t the FBI trace the money?”

  “It’s clean money. Or at least it appears clean. He’s been storing it in off shore Swiss accounts since Isabelle was born. And he gave me joint control the moment I turned 18.”

  “Well, I plan to work. ”

  “And I’ll be happy so long as you are. ” He looked at me and asked, “Can I kiss you now?”

  I kept my face stoic, looking as if I was considering it and he adorably held his breath. Then I nodded. His lips immediately crushed into mine and we both groaned. I felt starved for him, and judging by the way he was clawing at me, the feeling was mutual.

  We parted and he started dropping light kisses my face., all over from my eyes back to my mouth. Then he settled his face on my neck, kissing and licking that spot behind my ear that always made me shiver. “I love you so much Lori.” He mumbled against my neck, then came back to my mouth pulling gently at my bottom lip and sucking on it. Releasing it, he placed a kiss full on my lips. “I’m going to spend every day of my life making you happy.”

  He rolled on top of me, holding himself from crushing me by leaning on his elbows. “I know I’ve caused you nothing but harm. If only I’d stayed away…”

  “Stop. We’re together now, that’s what matters okay?”

  “No. I have to apologize. I was selfish. I didn’t care about anything but my vengeance so I never stopped to think how getting involved with you might affect you and for that I’m sorry. But it brought me to you. It opened up my heart to feelings I’d closed myself from. I never realized how lonely I was, until I had you. Even after you left Barcelona the first time, I had to numb myself to keep from thinking of you. But the second time I couldn’t even manage that.”

  I didn’t want to imagine how he’d numbed himself but I couldn’t help myself. I was a glutton for pain it seemed.

  “Women?” I asked.

  “That… and alcohol.”

  I closed my eyes. It was stupid of me to think a man so gorgeous would lack for female companionship. Or shun it.

  “But not since I admitted to myself how much I feel about you. And I’ve wanted you every day since then. Couldn’t even try to replace you. It was a new feeling for me. I didn’t realize how utterly empty my life had been until you showed me what I could have.”

  I saw the sincerity in his eyes and it made me feel even better about my decision. “I love you Davide.”

  He kissed me again and I felt the truth in the kiss. The promise. And when he ground himself on me, I felt his bulge and smiled.

  “None of that until I talk to my mother.” I admonished.

  He laughed. “It has a life of its own, I swear. I wasn’t even planning on that.”

  “No? That’s disappointing.” I smirked.

  “Believe me there’ll be plenty of that, for the rest of our lives.

  I loved the sound of that. ‘The rest of our lives.’

  “So what will you tell your mother? I don’t want you to lie but telling her everything will only worry her, not to mention place her in danger and make her an accessory.”

  “I’ll only tell her what she needs to know. Let’s freshen up and go talk to her.

  “Together?” he asked.

  “Always.”

  CHAPTER FOURTY – THREE

  Davide easily charmed his way into the hearts of both my mother and grandmother. Seems I wasn’t the only Brinkley woman susceptible to it. He was sociable, eloquent and with a strength to him that was undeniable. But he’d recently acquired a vulnerability that I hadn’t realized was missing until I saw it. I’d asked him about it and he’d said that he now had something to lose and that made him scared.

  I didn’t think I could love him more. I was bursting to the seams with it. We had a lovely lunch on the porch with gran and mom. Once gran went in for a nap, I told my mom about Davide. He was seated right there and I knew it made him uncomfortable but he held my hand through it all.

  I only told my mom what I knew was best for her to hear. That I loved him. I told her where I met him and said that he was a hotel manager. Only half truths that she seemed to love hearing. I told her he’d come back for me and that we would leave together, possibly to Europe. She didn’t like that much but she’s always supported my independence. Plus she’d always known that I had a good head on my shoulders so she trusted me. And she told me as much.

  She took all the information I gave her in stride. And I noticed her glancing at our joined hands occasionally. I knew she had more questions and I hoped I’d be able to answer. Davide must have realized the same and excused himself after coffee.

  She didn’t waste any time.

  “Is he the one who put the bruises on you?”

  “God no!”

  She looked at me, tying to see right through me. I held her gaze knowing that even though I was keeping some things from her, she would see that I wasn’t lying about this.

  “I had an accident mom. He took care of me through it.”

  “You’re sure? Because I can’t remember how many times I covered for your father. I’d hate it to be a cycle.”

  “I’m telling you the truth mom. He loves me, he would never hurt me.”

  “And is moving the right thing? Can’t you stay here for some time? It’s not that I don’t trust you but I want to be sure you’re not covering for him.”

  “We will stay for as long as it takes us to decide where we want to live. But we both know we want to be together.”

  “Why can’t you be together here? Or in New York?”

  “We want to start over, and you know I’ve always wanted to live abroad. So this is my chance.”

  I could tell she knew there was something I was hiding, but she was never one to pry.

  “You know I love you Lori. I always support you. If you’re sure, then I give you all my blessings.”

  We hugged each other
, holding each other close. I hoped that wherever I went, I would be able to keep in contact with her.

  ***

  Later that afternoon, after I’d spoken to Macy, who had now made Junior Associate and been assigned to a team at Miller and Miller, Davide and I decided to take a walk. I showed him Scott County High School where I was a member of the debate team. We passed by the exact spot Christopher O’Conner gave me my first kiss and Davide made a show of erasing the memory by giving me an open mouthed kiss that caused a few stares.

  We ended up at the park where I’d spent most of my high school days reading or chatting with my friends. I took him to my spot on the grass, behind a huge rock, next to a tiny stream. He sat down and I laid my head on his stomach, looking up at the puffy clouds. It all seemed so peaceful. It gave me hope that we could find our place somewhere and finally find the peace I felt we deserved.

  “Where do you want to go?” He looked down on me blocking my view of the clouds. “We could go anywhere you wanted.”

  “I’ve always wanted to live in Latin America.”

  “Ok, I take back the ‘anywhere you want’ bit.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Think about it baby. The head of the Cartel in Sinaloa is good friends with Nico, and not to mention what a mess that country is, so Mexico is a no go. And we both know the Dominican Republic would be the equivalent of turning myself in to Nico’s men. Actually, let’s ignore South America completely.”

  I huffed. “So I guess that means Europe is out too?”

  “Not all of Europe. I like Spain but it’s best we don’t go there. Italy will be too close to my reality for comfort.”

  “Sounds like we need a map to mark out the X zones,” I said feigning a pout. He laughed and I immediately smiled. I was too content in his arms to think about anything but the feel of him.

  “What are you smiling about?”

  “I like this. Being with you.”

  “I like it too.”